I'm frustrated, to say the least, and need some help!!!
Very recently we've discovered that Bria is a really good lier!!! REALLY GOOD! Here are some examples...
#1 While Damon's family was in town, we had dinner together almost every night. One night in particular, it was about 10:30pm...on a school night, and Bria was crying to me about not getting any dessert. Here's our conversation...
"Mom, that's not fair. I didn't have ANY dessert."
I asked, "Why didn't you have any?"
"Cuz I was playing with Micah"
"Micah had some dessert."
"When he came down for dessert, I stayed in my room and played."
"Well, it's 10:30 and you have school tomorrow, so you'll have to have extra dessert tomorrow night, ok?"
FULL BLOWN CRYING FIT...
"That's NOT FAIR mom!"
Then, she went downstairs, got a half gallon of ice cream and asked for "just a tiny little bite" and she'd go "straight to bed and not get out".
At this point I felt really bad, but didn't want to give in, so I sent her to bed. I went down stairs and had this conversation with Damon's sister...
"I feel so bad cuz Bria didn't get any dessert."
"Um...yeah she did."
"She did?"
"Yeah, I don't mean to rat her out, but I served her 3 pieces of pie!"
When I confronted her the following morning, she "didn't remember" having dessert...then, we did our own form of tasteful discipline...and...I really thought that was the end of her lying...not so!
#2 Damon just got a new cell phone. Someone called my cell phone from Damon's cell phone, and I knew it wasn't Damon...he was holding Josiah at the time! I asked Micah. He said it wasn't him. Colton was sitting on the couch watching a show...So, I asked Bria...nope, wasn't her either. I whispered to Damon to sneak into Bria's room and I'd call his cell...sure enough it was under her pillow. No one else was upstairs so it HAD to be her...right? Here's the conversation...
"Bria, why did you tell me that you didn't call my cell phone, when you actually did?"
"Mom, I DIDN'T!"
"I can't believe that you are lying to my face...it was under your pillow!"
"I didn't put it there!"
"Bria! Micah is in time-out, Daddy is holding Josiah, and Colton doesn't know my number, so it HAS to be you!!!"
"Mom, it WASN'T ME!"
Then, she started throwing another fit, and crying...Seriously...she was SO convincing that I started to believe her! It couldn't have been anyone else, and I doubted myself! Again, I followed through and started a punishment anyways. Finally, she fessed up.
#3 After punishing her for the last two instances, I wanted to test her and see if she'd lie to me again. So, there was a Mini Wheat on the stairs that was ground into the carpet. I just asked who did it so it could get cleaned up. Bria looked at me and says, "Mom, I don't remember if I did it or not." To which I said, "Bria, get down here and clean it up!"
The thing is...they are the LAMEST reasons to lie! Dessert? Calling my cell phone? A Mini Wheat? Come ON! Seriously, if she wanted more dessert...not a big deal. Calling my cell phone... why would I get mad at that? A broken Mini Wheat??? Honestly, I'm at my whit's end! SOMEONE HELP ME!!! Do your kids lie? If they do, how do you handle it? How can I help her learn that lying is not ok? Any and all suggestions are welcome!!!
8 comments:
Rachel is our little fibber around here. And she is too good at it. I tried scaring her with the boy who cried wolf story- even had him get eaten in the end. She just listened with fascination.
If you find a good solution let me in on it!
My Bria is pretty good at it, too. I used to be able to know, and now I don't.
I try to trust her as much as possible, even if I suspect she might be lying, because I don't want to wrongfully punish her. But there is the whole Boy who Cried Wolf thing, too, and I do remind her of that.
Lying gets the biggest punishments in our house, since mostly she does it so she won't be in trouble. So if she is caught, she gets a doozy of a punishment.
Good luck!
Yes, we're dealing with honesty issues here too. With Lydia it's more sneakiness than actually lying, but I do think it's normal for kids this age. For me, the important thing is to point it out as lying and help them realize what is truth and what is a lie. Good luck!! Parenthood seems to only get more complicated as kids get older!!
I made Emily write 10 times: "It is okay to make mistakes, but it is not okay to lie about it." Then she had to write an "essay" about why lying is not good. I don't know if it helped but we have had the EXACT same sort of issues. I think it is the age and a girl thing.
Well I sympathize with you. One of my boys used to lie everytime he thought he was going to get in trouble. We always made sure we told him what his punishment would have been if he hadn't lied (if there was a punishment at all) and what his punishment will be because he lied. The punishment for lying was always WAY worse. It seems to be working a little, but we still sometimes catch him in a lie. Good luck!
Oh...this reminds me of a similar "lying" period with Brooke! She shaved one of her eyebrows off (I mean- it was gone). When I found her, and asked her what she had done, she "swore" to me that she didn't do anything! The girl was missing an eyebrow-- but she insisted she hadn't done a thing! Luckily, they grow out of the lying phase...I think ;-)
I don't have any advice (but you have my full sympathy for dealing with this.) I did want to say that I love your punishment of making Bria hold her arms up. I am totally going to try that--time out just doesn't strike fear in them like it used to! :)
Oh man! I can't imagine how frustrating. I think you are handling it great...just nipping it in the bud, showing here there is nothing good that comes from lying. Must be quite the chore trying to keep up with them though! :S
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